Sam Nunberg Intercepts And Snorts More Mysterious White Powder Sent to Don Jr.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — After a bizarre, freewheeling string of interviews all over cable news networks in which he publicly declared he would defy Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s grand jury subpoena, former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg seems to have been talked down off whatever metaphorical edge he was on. Within hours of appearing on CNN, MSNBC, and other stations, in a state that at least one on-air anchor believed to be intoxication, Nunberg had walked back some of his bravado and said that he’d probably end up complying with Mueller’s request to testify.

This morning, word broke that Nunberg had found himself once again at the center of Trump-related affairs.

“Mr. Nunberg was summoned to Donald Trump Jr.’s home for an early morning meeting just to, you know, touch base with him and see how he’s doing,” a source within the Trump organization told us. “As luck would have it, just as Sam was walking into the building, a courier was dropping off a letter for Don Jr., which Sam offered to take upstairs for the courier.”

While in the elevator, Nunberg noticed that the envelope he was taking to Donald Jr. was bulky but leaking a mysterious white powder.

“We all know, and if we didn’t know before yesterday we know for sure now, that Sam’s never seen a white powdery substance he didn’t think he could cram up his nose,” our source told us. “By the time he got off the elevator he looked like he was on his way to a Halloween costume party as Tony Montana from Scarface.”

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It’s unclear at this time what the white powder was, however several eyewitnesses said that Nunberg seemed extremely disappointed and far less animated than he was on TV the day before.

“He just kept swiping the powder off his face and into his mouth or his up nose,” one woman told us. “And he’d just sort of stand there, waiting for something happen, but when nothing did happen, he’d look a little angry, ask us, ‘What the fuck is this bullshit,’ and then try it all over again with some more powder from his face or the envelope.”

Despite people telling him that he could be inhaling a dangerous chemical, Nunberg didn’t stop until he had snorted the entire contents of the envelope.

“You think sniffing some anthrax is somehow worse than what we all have in store for us once Mueller lines up an airtight case, which won’t be hard because look at how stupid everyone at the top is, and how brazen they are about their crimes,” Nunberg reportedly asked rhetorically. “Please, I’ll take my chances snorting Comet any day of the week over the country getting a firsthand look at how deeply corrupt and shamelessly greedy we all are.”

The White House did not respond to comment on this story.

Satire can also be found on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

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