Bags Of Lady Doritos Would Contain 20-25% Fewer Chips Than Regular Doritos

During a podcast interview recently, PepsiCo Indra Nooyi hinted that perhaps in the future a brand of Doritos chip will be designed and marketed just for and to women.

“It’s not a male and female as much as, ‘Are there snacks for women that can be designed and packaged differently?’ And yes, we are looking at it, and we’re getting ready to launch a bunch of them soon. For women, low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry a snack in their purse.” (The Failing New York Times)

When the interview was published, a rising backlash at the idea of Doritos designed just for females began to grow. The Internet was abuzz with memes and jokes, as well as considered, serious criticism of the idea. Some women scoffed at the idea that making chips less crunchy or less covered in flavoring powders made them more in line with female tastes and concerns. Others just called the idea plain stupid.

Branded “Lady Doritos,” the name became synonymous, if but briefly, with tone deaf and out of touch Corporate America executives. It’s unclear whether Ms. Nooyi was referring to product that is close to production, or is rather just in testing. However, documents from within PepsiCo have leaked to a few media outlets, and one of the details of the proposed Doritos for Gals is illuminating, perhaps.

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“On top of being quieter and less messy,” an internal email to product development states, “we also think it might be a good idea to just put about 20-25% fewer chips in each bag. Not for any reason in particular, just you know, because they’re associated with females. If someone calls us out on it, we’ll just make some equivocating excuse like women making personal choices, like having babies, for the smaller number of chips. It turns out, you don’t have to actually have a valid reason for about half of America to be totally on board with shitting on females.”

Some other ideas were for the new Lady Doritos to be taxed 15% more than regular Doritos for no other reason than because they’re for females.

“Hey, if Tampax and Always can have their lady products taxed more, why can’t we,” asked one executive.

This story is developing.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

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