Trump Says Americans Should Be Impressed By Devin Nunes’ Ability To Write FISA Memo One Handed And Mouth Full

Multi-tasking is NOT as easy as some make it seem.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — This morning, CNN reported that President Donald Trump wants the hotly contested “FISA memo,” which was written by Trump transition team member and outspoken supporter Rep. Devin Nunes, released as soon as possible. However, Trump did not want it released ahead of his State of the Union address.

Congressman Nunes’ involvement in drafting the memo has caused a political dust-up, with even Trump’s own Justice Department advising that the release of the memo could be harmful to national security interests. However, despite warnings from the DOJ and over vociferous objection from Congressional Democrats, House Republicans voted this week to release the memo, giving Trump five days to decide whether to release it to the public or not. Democrats have said that the memo has factual inaccuracies and cherry picks information in an attempt to harm the reputation of Special Counsel Robert Mueller and his team of investigators that are looking into multiple allegations of crimes perpetrated by the Trump campaign and obstruction of justice as it pertains to his firing of former FBI Director James Comey.

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Today, while having his morning covfefe, Trump told reporters that Americans should be “thankful, grateful, and relieved” that Nunes wrote the memo. Trump also said that there’s reason for everyone to be “bigly impressed” by the memo’s drafting, as well.

“I didn’t think someone could write such an exhaustive and thorough curating of facts that paint me in the best light possible one-handed and with his mouthful,” Trump explained, “but Devin did exactly that.”

Ultimately, President Trump says that Nunes’ memo is an accomplishment worthy of “praise, admiration, and respect.”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to give someone an Oklahoma How You Doin’ with one hand while you’re mouthing someone with a very tremendous orange schlong anyway? Forget also writing one of the most important pieces of fiction in the country’s history,” Trump asked rhetorically.

This morning, FBI Director Wray told the White House that he strongly discourages them releasing the memo because of its “inaccurate information” and because it “paints a false narrative,” Bloomberg is reporting “according to a person familiar with the matter.”

You can read satire like this on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

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