Homeless Vet Pretty Sure He Can Get His Daughter’s Medication With And Eat Trump’s Fake News Awards

APPLE HILLS, OHIO — Harry McMichaels is a 38 year old homeless veteran of the Iraq War. McMichaels lives in various shelters around his small Ohio town with his wife and daughter, who has a health condition that requires medication that he and his wife rely on Medicare to provide, especially now that they are homeless. Times were not always so lean and tough for the McMichaels family, but when the plant Harry worked at closed last year, despite promises that President Trump would bring the economy and manufacturing roaring back to life in his area, they lost their home and have not been able to bounce back and find work since.

Despite times being tough, and the president not having saved his job, McMichaels says he doesn’t regret voting for him. He’s willing to give Trump another chance this year. In addition, McMichaels says this week President Trump did something that could have a “real major impact” on his ability to feed his family and ensure his daughters meds are delivered to her on time and affordably.

“Trump’s Fake News Awards. What a genius stroke to harangue the free press about honest mistakes they made and corrected, even firing some of the journalists who got details wrong,” McMichaels said. “And the best part is I can totally feed my family and pay for Shayla’s medicine with the Fake News Awards! Dude plays, like, 15th dimensional checkers with everyone, especially the libturds.”

Despite them having no monetary value, Harry says the Fake News Awards will help dig himself and his family out of the hole they’re in. He doesn’t know exactly how, just yet, but he has faith. McMichaels says the faith he has feels similar to a lot of faith he has in his life.

“Virgin births and Trickle Down Economics take a lot of faith, even in the face of overwhelming logic and facts,” Harry said. “So this feels pretty much like the same thing, to be honest.”

Ultimately, Mr. McMichaels says he’s glad that “someone in Washington is looking out” for him. He said that he feels Trump’s priorities are “perfect” by his measures. Harry says he feels “truly blessed” to be “alive when a D-list reality TV star will take this country back from the forces of racial, gender, and sexual freedom.”

“At a time when so many of us are in need of help, I’m glad to see our president focused on the stuff that really matters,” McMichaels told us.

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and Alternative Facts.

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